My testimony is one of God’s faithfulness even when I was faithless. God has put situations and people in my life that have lead me to where I am today. I was put in a Christian day-care at Hammonton Assembly of God at the age of three. Even from this young age, God was leading me into ministry. When I began going to this day-care, my mom and I were attending a Methodist church. My mom eventually met a woman who told her about Missionettes, and we started attending Hammonton A/G shortly after, but only for special events. When I was around eight years old, we started attending that church full-time. At the age of nine, I officially dedicated my life to Christ at a local Christian camp. That same year, I was molested; this was an emotionally scarring experience that would take me 8 years to recover from. At the age of ten, I got baptized. Soon after I was baptized, I felt that I was called to ministry.
In the meantime, my mom — who has multiple health problems — began getting sicker and sicker. I didn’t realize it at the time but depression started to seep into my life. When I was thirteen our church got a new pastor and he was a graduate of Zion Bible College. After talking with him and his sons, who were also Zion graduates, I felt that this was where I was called to be. At fourteen, I went on a missions trip to Honduras where my heart for the lost intensified. Soon after, I was filled with the Holy Spirit.
At the age of fifteen, I had to have surgery, which left me nearly bedridden for several months. This brought me into a deep downward spiral of depression. In the meantime, my mother’s health continued to fail. This depression continued on, even after I came to Zion at the age of seventeen. Shortly after starting Zion, my mother, who was already wheelchair-bound, fell. She was hospitalized for about a week. After this, she went into physical rehab. It was determined from there that she should be placed permanently in a nursing home. She would wind up living there for the rest of her life. This left me with no home and no financial support.
Over Thanksgiving break, God opened doors that I never imagined would be opened. He softened the hearts of my grandparents and allowed me to move in with them. He also provided the financial support I needed. He allowed the old wound of my molestation to heal by letting me come face-to-face with my abuser. This allowed me to say “I forgive you” to his face. I still see him time to time and it’s as if nothing happened.
After my first year at Zion, I took a semester off and tried to deal with my mother now living in a nursing home and settling into my grandparent’s house. In the spring of 2011, I went back to Zion. My semester started out strong but, about half-way through, more bad news. My father had multiple surgeries to put stents in his heart. I had a really rough semester and finally decided to leave Zion for good at the end of that semester. Though my time at Zion was rough, I must add how grateful I am for the lifelong friendships I built there and the support I received from them.
On September 24, 2011, my dad had a massive heart attack and passed away. This pushed me further into depression. I went into intense outpatient therapy to deal with my grief and depression. I slowly learned how to cope. I was very grateful for the love and support of my church family during this time. They were always there encouraging me and supporting me. Shortly after I began to run the kids ministry at my church on Sunday mornings. This was something I very much enjoyed.
In the Summer of 2012, I went to Panama City Florida to participate in an internship at my Aunt Dorothy’s church. Pastor Brooke and the other interns taught me a lot about running a kids ministry and the work that was involved. I, unfortunately, had to leave early due to my mother’s ever-worsening health.
On June 15, 2014, I once again got a phone call that would shake me to my core. The nursing home my mother was living in called to tell me that she had passed away sometime in the night. I was in absolute shock. I really couldn’t comprehend that my mother was gone. I stayed in a state of shock and denial for several months. Once the grief did settle in and the shock wore off, it sent me into a depression deeper than I ever felt. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep or not sleeping at all. I had never felt so much emotional pain. I started to consider suicide. I felt it was the only way to end the pain I was in. A good friend recognized what was going on and took me to the Psych unit in Atlantic City. That was the darkest place I had ever been. I was stripped of everything and left in a room with only a chair, table and bed. I remember thinking how did I wind up here. I was given medication and was in and out of sleep for 3 days. I was released on the 3rd day and once again was in an intensive therapy. I also began to meet with my pastor’s wife once a week. I am so grateful for her support and love during that rough time.
Now, not long before my mom passed my pastor of the Assembly of God left and started his own ministry. I struggled for many months on whether to follow him or not. I finally did shortly before I went to the psych ward. I heard powerful stories of people being touched by the Holy Spirit and their lives being transformed. I wanted this for my own life but, didn’t really believe it could happen to me. In April 2015, I went to Voice of the Prophets with Global Awakening. I really can’t remember much about the speakers or what was said but, my life was transformed by God. The first night I was there, I was in worship and just internally crying out to Jesus in the midst of my deep pain. I began to feel his love like I never had before. It was so much that I had to sit down on the ground. I heard the Holy Spirit say to me “ This is only a drop of my love for you, if I was to give it all to you, you could not handle it and it would kill you.” I began to weep uncontrollably. As His Love began to overtake me, the depression had no choice but, to leave. I got up off the floor and was forever changed. The next day, I manifested the Holy Spirit for the very first time with electricity running through my body then uncontrollable laughter. He had now filled me with his joy.
Near the end of 2015, I lived with a pastor and his wife for several months. The pastor’s wife began to have multiple health issues and hospitalizations. I was there with them every step of the way and tried to be a blessing to the family. In the summer of 2016, the family decided they wanted to move to Virginia, I prayed about it and decided to go with them. Well, through a series of events, I went to Virginia by myself and knew God had something for me there. I didn’t make many friends there, but, that caused my relationship with the Lord to deepen. He was sometimes all I had to talk to. In October of 2017, I left Virginia to move back to New Jersey. My grandfather began to have episodes of extremely low blood pressure with no explanation. My family and I thought we might lose him but, finally it was figured out and now he is good health. On April 11, 2018 I went to my 4th VOP and once again I was touched by the Lord. I had considered going to Global School of Supernatural Ministry for several years but, it never seemed to be possible. The Lord showed me clearly that it was my time to go. I said yes, still not knowing how it was going to work. The Lord has already provided the finances I need to go. So, September 4th, 2018 I start at GSSM. I know my life is about to change once again and I am so excited for this next chapter in my life.