As many of you know, I did not have the best relationship with my father. He was hardly ever there and not very supportive. I remember many times waiting at the door for him to come, only to find out he wasn’t. This caused a lot of hurt in my life. I was very angry at my father and hurt. I felt abandoned by him. I remember thinking as a young child, what was wrong with me and my mother that he left us. Was I not good enough to love? This caused a strain on my relationship with Father God. I always had a hard time addressing God as father. I had a hard time with just the word father. As I got older I really came to a place where I really didn’t think of God as a father. I knew this on an intellectual bases because the scripture told me so but, I never addressed him as father in my personal prayer time or everyday life. It was just too painful. I couldn’t understand a father’s love because I never truly knew a fathers love. I always felt it was something I had to earn. That if I do this for God or join this ministry, that will make God proud. Again, I knew in my head that this was faulty thinking and I would have never admitted it out loud, but, that was the pain that was in my heart. I had tried many times to forgive my father and let go of the anger but, it always seemed to be an uphill battle. This past September, I had an inner healing session with connectup. I was finally able to let go of the anger but, I still hadn’t walked completely in forgiveness. This past week at GSSM, Leif Hetland came to speak on sonship. I sat there still pained but, slowly my pain began to ease. At the end of the first teaching, he came around and was kissing people on the cheek and people were getting touched by Holy Spirit. He came to me rubbed my cheek and then kissed it. BAM! I got knocked down to the floor. I immediately started to cry and then tremble.All I could hear was the father saying ” I love you” over and over again. I then started to sweat from the heat coming over me. He was filling me with his love. I eventually got up off the floor and Leif came running over to me hugged me and said ” You are so full of His love”. I truly felt different and for the first time in my life realized that I was a daughter.It didn’t matter what I did, what ministry I joined or what my past was, He loved me as a father. It was later on in the week that I was fully able to forgive my father, I had a vision of my father standing in front of me. Then Jesus came over and stood in front of me. At first I thought he pushed my father out of the way, it was then I realized my father was inside Jesus. I looked at Jesus and was looking at my father literally through his eyes. I was finally able to fully walk in forgiveness and began to weep. A few days later I had another vision, that I’ve been serving Father God at a table with this glorious feast in front of him. He had an empty chair next to him and kept asking me to come, sit and eat. It was as if I didn’t hear him and just kept serving and bringing out food. Finally, I sat down and was able to fellowship with him and hear from his heart. I’ve been serving him all my life and all he wanted was to sit and have a meal with his daughter. I realized in these last few days that what really happen that first day with Leif, is he gave me the heart of daughter. His heart towards me never changed. He always was there waiting for his daughter to run onto his arms. He was always there, his heart breaking with mine through all the pain. Now, I can sit and have meal with my Father God and feel his love anytime I want. All I needed was the heart of a daughter.
This post is more of a life update. I have learned so much in my 4 shorts weeks at Global Awakening School of Ministry. It feels like I have already been here for months just from what the Holy Spirit has done inside me. What has taken place in 4 weeks would take month and maybe years to accomplish. I’ll begin with my connect up session. Connect Up is an inner healing and deliverance ministry. It is requirement for school to go through at least one session. I knew this is something I have needed for a long time and had even considered coming up here before I had even considered coming to school. I went to my session this past Monday night. I was able to forgive my parents. I never realized how angry I was, especially at my father. I left feeling literally lighter and felt something lift off my spirit. I have felt such freedom the last few days like I never have. Tuesday, Dale Mast spoke and activated us in prophecy. As a class, we began to prophecy over each other. I received some very accurate and encouraging words but, what surprised me the most was myself. I gave words and was being told how accurate I was, I never experienced anything like it in my life. I was actually moving and operating in the prophetic, something I never thought I would do successfully. Thursday and Friday, we had Melody Hilton , she taught us about our core values and who we are at our core. This was done using the core values index. I learned so much about myself. There has been so much that I have felt and experienced in my life that finally made sense! My core values make complete sense with my calling and passions. I learned so much this week and it is only the beginning. My passion and fire for the Lord has grown so much and is only continuing to grow! I am so excited to see the person I will be at the end of this journey. I am already beginning to not recognize myself. All I can say is bring it on Holy Spirit! Keep working in me and through me!
Last week, I started at Global Awakening School of Ministry. I was so excited that I was ready to jump out of my skin on the way to PA. I knew I was at the beginning of something incredible. In the short week and 1/2 I have been here, it has been nothing short of that, incredible! I moved into a house with other students and right from the beginning I felt like I was home. Last Tuesday, was registration and the minute I walked through the doors of Global I knew I was where God had placed me. I had been to Global several times before but, I never felt the way I felt in that moment. The first few days were orientation but, it was a great time of getting to know the staff and other students. Now, here come the fun stuff! 🙂 Thursday, the 2nd year students prayed for the first year students and I felt something shift in my spirit. Dr. Mike Hutchings taught us for the first time on Friday. It was all about having a kingdom mindset and the authority we have been given. It was a good reminder of what Christ has done for us that goes so much farther than just saving us from our sin. I had a great weekend and got to go home and bring Coral, my new housemate, with me. Tuesday, my world was rocked. Richie Seltzer spoke on evangelism. His message was so inspiring. I, along with many of my classmates, began to weep with compassion for the lost and all those who do not know the Lord. A passion was stirred in me. I left wanting to run and tell everyone about Jesus. Today, Dr. Randy Clark spoke. He also prayed for all the students. I can’t even begin to describe what happened to me. I shook for 30 minutes under the power of the Holy Spirit. It was the first time I had ever experienced anything quite so powerful. The Lord told me somethings that I am still trying to process. I am sure Ill reveal more in the coming weeks and months. I’ve had an incredible experience so far and this is only the beginning. I have started a journey with the Holy Spirit that I know will only continue for the rest of my life into eternity. This is only the beginning.
Where do I even begin? I have been on a journey these last few months with Holy Spirit. I’ve know about the Holy Spirit pretty much my entire life but, I didn’t always understand that He desired a relationship with me or for me to know Him intimately. I really started to get an understanding of this when I started following the teachings of Randy Clark and other leaders at Global Awakening. This has really increased over the last several months and I have come into a deeper relationship and understanding of who Holy Spirit is. Let me start from Voice of The Prophets 2018. Every year at VOP there is a time of receiving prophetic words from the students of Global School. This year there were several things that were said but, there’s one stuck out to me and still keeps echoing in my head. It was that Holy Spirit was going to bring me into a time of deeper intimacy with Him over the next 4 months. Now, this stuck out to me because in 4 months from that time that word was given to me, I would be starting Global School myself. I knew the student was speaking of a time of preparation. I went home from VOP not really sure what to do to foster this word. So, I just began to play worship music and wait to hear from Holy Spirit. One day, He said to me, all I desire is you! This instantly brought me to tears. Here is the God of the universe, telling my all He desires is me! This still blows my mind when I think about it! I continued to have many encounters like this over the next several months and still am. He began to touch and speak to me about the deepest parts of me. Some things I had tucked away or even forgot they were there. He has shown me that He knows every part of me and He desires for me to know every part of Him. He desires intimacy. He desires to be close to me and spend time with me. I can’t even begin to put into words the things He has touched in my heart, mainly because words fail and are inadequate to express it. I have been truly transformed and revitalized during this time. I can say with confidence that Holy Spirit is my best friend, I don’t think I could have said that back in April. My life has changed and I will never be the same. The awesome thing is this only the beginning. See, He needed to build my relationship with Him and develop this intimacy before I step into this next chapter of life.I have to know Him and let Him in before He can even begin to start to use me in supernatural.
Want to know the most awesome thing about all this? I am no one special. He desires this intimate relationship with all of us. He wants to know you intimately and desires you! All you have to do is ask Him to begin to show you. Let Him in and begin a close relationship with Him. I promise you won’t regret it!
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for so long and have had this website for almost 2 years and haven’t done anything with it. Well here it goes. I am excited for what God has been doing in my life and want to share it with everyone. Hopefully this time I can actually keep up with it.